tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89435190183022175562024-03-13T16:05:46.654-05:00Suddenly Single--Life After DivorceBeverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-66828400325450711442015-12-12T08:54:00.002-06:002015-12-12T08:54:52.963-06:00A Day in the life of being unemployed<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Five: <o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah!! It is finally Friday! Wait…. Why should I care? Every
day is the same. You don’t appreciate Friday any more when you are not working.
Friday is not a day to look forward to when you are unemployed because it means
the end of emails and phone calls with job offers. It means the dreaded long
weekend. With these feelings also comes the feeling of anticipation of Monday.
A bit backwards you may think. Monday is the start of a new week, a new
beginning. Maybe I will get a job offer. Maybe I will get a call for an
interview. I mean, it has been five days….. I am getting a bit impatient. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-38447108059828029222015-12-12T08:44:00.001-06:002015-12-12T08:44:26.859-06:00A Day in the life of being unemployed<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Four: <o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Boy, it sure has been a long week. It is only Thursday. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Money… it is always about money. I was
struggling when I was working and this is just unbearable. I never thought I would
wonder how I was going to pay for toilet paper. It is the little things we take
for granted. Being unemployed gives you a different outlook on life. It really
makes you appreciate the little things. I am thankful for my family and a close
friend that has helped me so far. I truly think that without them I would be in
a worse position than I am now. But I have realized that their help will not
come every month. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I am officially in the “scared” phase. I know it has only
been a few day, but I am not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel just
yet. I am still applying for jobs and networking with people. I have had a few
job offers but the locations are very far, not far enough to move but too far
to drive. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> As my bank account dwindles, so does my faith. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-3148262148907553722015-12-12T08:22:00.004-06:002015-12-12T08:22:40.040-06:00A Day in the life of being unemployed<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day three: <o:p></o:p></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is now Wednesday…… I think. Who knows anymore. I’m
thankful my son is still in school to help me keep track of what day it is. I
managed to get out of the “feeling sorry for myself” phase. I quick slap to my
own face took care of that. I had my good cry and now it is time to concentrate
on my life and what the heck I am supposed to do with it. I am 49…. No spring
chicken here. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could return to school.
I did start a Medical Transcription & Editing online course. However,
because I did not have enough time to complete the work I received a failing
grade which resulted in my financial aid being terminated. Oh joy, why could I not
have gotten fired when I was still enrolled? I find myself with a TON of time
now. In order to finish, I would have to pay out of pocket for this semester.
Yeah, I have six-hundred dollars lying around. I am kicking myself in the ass
for this mistake. How l would love to finish this course. My plans were to
finish this then proceed to take the Medical Billing & Coding course. I
have realized that I am not one to work for someone else. With training in both
of these careers, I could have worked from home. I hate the office politics. I
think that is what makes going to work so miserable. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, as I contemplate my future, I am trying to explore all
avenues. Maybe a different career? Move out of state? I am not sure what to do,
but I need to do something fast. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-47744407145087593402015-12-11T07:38:00.000-06:002015-12-11T07:38:06.205-06:00A day in the life of unemployment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Day Two: <o:p></o:p></span></span></u></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is now day two. It feels like
day 100. I woke up this morning full of energy. I thought to myself, “This is
going to be a great day!” I was definitely trying to see the positive in this
horrible time in my life. I updated my resume and logged onto every job site
located on the Internet. As I was searching, I found myself looking for jobs
out of state. Why not? I have nothing left here. I would miss my mom terribly,
but other than that, there was nothing here for me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Soon, my energy level was depleted.
I realized that I was in the “I don’t care” phase. Not a good phase to be in. I
tried to do things around the house. I thought if I organized my house the
other aspects of my life would immediately be organized as well. Then I realized
it does not work that way. Needless to say, my house is still in disarray. There
is nothing worse than walking around the house aimlessly with your head in a
jumble. Many thoughts were going through my head. How am I going to pay my
rent? How am I going to feed my kids? What about insurance? Oh yeah, and the
one that is weighing the hardest on my mind is Christmas. Then the tears came.
Tons of tears. It would not stop. It was like someone turned on the faucet in
my head. I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-59311420895372790412015-12-11T07:13:00.000-06:002015-12-11T07:13:13.596-06:00A Day in the life of being unemployed <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
</span></a><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">They say you go through many stages when you are fired or
laid off. I agree with some of them. However, I don’t agree with the time spent
on each stage. We are all different and we deal with things very differently. </span></a><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Day One:<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></u></b></a></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: black;">It is funny how “what a difference a day makes” rings true.
I thought my Monday was like any other Monday. You know, horrible as usual. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span><span style="color: black;">Boy, I was not prepared for how horrible it
became. After I was told I was laid off, confusion set in immediately. You wonder,
“Did I just hear what I think I heard?” After the initial cloud clears and you realize
that what you heard was correct, the confusion still lingers but is overpowered
by anger immediately. Anger that festers as the supervisor is hovering over you
while you clean out your desk. God forbid I take the stapler. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></a></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
</span></a><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">After I gathered my things, I left. It was difficult driving
home trying to focus through the tears of sadness, anger, and joy. Joy you ask?
Yes, I really did not like my job. In fact, I really don’t like the field I am
in. But that is beside the point; I wouldn’t have left this job if I did not
have a new one lined up. </span></a></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "calibri";">Thankfully, I made it home. I immediately applied for
unemployment and whatever benefits I could. I knew I would need as much help as
possible as I was still not receiving child support. This is going to be tough………
</span></a></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S48zzW4RT9o/VmrLHB62zLI/AAAAAAAAFi4/RnUDVe_XmCI/s1600/unemployment93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;">
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-85582760293296222342015-12-10T14:22:00.000-06:002015-12-11T07:13:46.174-06:00Not just your average Monday<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-guTlQC8tQ2M/VmnevBvAxdI/AAAAAAAAFio/-tSpC2d1sG4/s1600/monday_thumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-guTlQC8tQ2M/VmnevBvAxdI/AAAAAAAAFio/-tSpC2d1sG4/s320/monday_thumb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";">Monday morning I walked into work.
It was just like any other Monday, but this particular Monday I was feeling
pretty good. Christmas was coming up. Although my daughter would not be here
for Christmas, I was somewhat looking forward to it. Money is always a problem
and I always struggle at this time of year, always wondering where I am going
to get money to buy gifts for my kids and my family. As I look back over the
years, it has always worked out. But this Monday sure tested my faith. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">As I was waiting for my computer to
boot up, I walked to the printer to get my work. On my way to the printer I said
my “Hi’s” to all the girls in the office. As I turned to go back to my desk, my
manager and a supervisor from the corporate office wanted to talk to me in the
conference room. As soon as he said “This is going to be difficult to say”, I knew
what was coming. What I did not expect were the lies. When someone lies, they
think you are stupid enough to believe them. I think that upsets me more than
the lie itself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">How do I know they were lies? Maybe
it was the way he was sweating bullets when he told me it was because of my
write-ups. The last one was back in June. Maybe it was the way he was shaking
like he was in the middle of a seizure when he told me the customer was
requesting a “Personnel change”, or maybe it was the way neither one of them
could look me in the face. I had no idea this was coming. I never called in
sick, and when I was sick I would work from home. All my days off were
scheduled days off. I even had left over vacation time and personal time that I
was told to use by the end of the year. I always asked if anyone needed help. I
also asked for additional training on different things, but everyone was too
busy to train me. I am not saying I was a perfect employee. No one is. We all
make mistakes. But this was unacceptable. More unacceptable was the fact that
they could not wait until after the Holiday’s. </span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri";">So, here I am again. Facing unemployment.
This is how it is in transportation….. time to find a new career. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-10024472085095406902015-11-22T14:48:00.001-06:002015-11-22T14:48:56.767-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mnDM-q2YrSs/VlIqFLtQe_I/AAAAAAAAFiM/ZSsISJgEADg/s1600/holiday-gifts_207838057_1500px.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="235" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mnDM-q2YrSs/VlIqFLtQe_I/AAAAAAAAFiM/ZSsISJgEADg/s320/holiday-gifts_207838057_1500px.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> The Holidays<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ah, the holidays are upon us. It only seems like yesterday I
was lying beside the pool watching my son swim. This is the time of year that I
dread. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only recently have I started
feeling this way. I remember past holidays being a wonderful and fulfilling
time with my family. As a kid, I looked forward to this time of year. I loved
going shopping and trying to find that perfect gift for someone. Whether it was
for my parents or sisters, I put in a lot of effort and thought into finding
that perfect gift. There is nothing more pleasing than watching someone open a
gift from you and it is something they really wanted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I was married and my children were younger, it was a
stressful but great time of year. Between deciding whose house we were going to
on which day, Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, and having enough money to spend
on our kids and family. Things were always tight. But, we managed and did the
best we could. Everyone seemed to be happy and not too concerned with what they
received, they were just happy to be together as a family. I cherish those
days. When I look back at that time, it brings a smile to my face a warms my
heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, the last six years has been a lot different than when I
was a kid or when I was married. There are no in-laws to go to and the kids
have grown. Their interest in Christmas is not the same as it was when they
were little. Gone are the toys and coloring books. Gone is the sparkle in their
eyes when they see the tree all lit up with presents underneath on Christmas
morning. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gone is my whole family
together on Christmas morning. Gone is my desire to enjoy the holiday season. As
my family drifts apart and each one starts to have their own life, I find
myself alone at times. Sometimes I cherish my alone time. But other times, I wish
I had someone to share these holidays with. I know that someday there will be
someone special in my life besides my kids, and I will just wait patiently for
him to arrive…… maybe he will be under the Christmas tree one year. </span></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-44419604281609621612015-11-22T12:51:00.002-06:002015-11-22T12:51:31.465-06:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SqO-wawdTW0/VlIOdfl6hvI/AAAAAAAAFh8/dYd51Rrn8ow/s1600/tdayimages.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SqO-wawdTW0/VlIOdfl6hvI/AAAAAAAAFh8/dYd51Rrn8ow/s1600/tdayimages.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Thankful on
thanksgiving…… and all year ‘round<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some say Thanksgiving is the time to give thanks and reflect
on what you are thankful for. I say we should do this every day, not
just on Thanksgiving. Here are some things I am thankful for. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My life. I am thankful every day that I wake up
in the morning. It is a fresh start, a chance to improve my life and better myself.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My children. Without them, I would not know how
to love unconditionally. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My job. Although most days I loathe my job and
hate the commute, I am glad I have one. There have been many months I was
without a job. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My house. It is not my dream home that is for
sure, but I have made it my own. I have made it a safe haven for me and my
children. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My mom. I am very thankful that she is still
with me. She has become my best friend and has been there for me so much over
the years. I honestly think that if it were not for her, I would be in a far
worse situation than I am in now. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I try to remember what I am thankful every day. I was told
that I always see the “good” in things and always see the silver lining. I have
to, otherwise I would not survive this crazy thing we call life. </span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
</div>
Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-59771236970625548512013-08-22T16:05:00.000-05:002013-08-22T16:05:33.732-05:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_67D99fpXXw/UhZ8zB4zpTI/AAAAAAAAAQg/mJsEgm-vyNw/s1600/longdistance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_67D99fpXXw/UhZ8zB4zpTI/AAAAAAAAAQg/mJsEgm-vyNw/s320/longdistance.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Long Distance Relationship</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never gave LDR’s much thought until recently. Someone from
my past contacted me on Face Book and mentioned how he would date me in a
second if he lived here in Illinois. After a string of horrible dates I was flattered.
After chatting for a few weeks he agreed to fly into Illinois to see me. I was
skeptical and all, I mean, a LDR? How could this possibly work? He assured me
that if things clicked between us, we would find a way to see each other and
make it work. I believed him. So he came every other weekend for a few months.
The anticipation of him coming would drive me crazy. I could not wait to see
this man. The days that followed his leaving left me lonely and sad. The few
months that we shared together were a pool of many emotions. I tried to keep
busy with work, the kids, and everyday activities to keep my mind off him until
his next visit. It was difficult. Text messages, phone call, and the occasional
Skype is what kept me going. What also kept me going was the fact that he said
he loved me. I thought for sure this one was the “one.” I mean really, who
would fly hundreds of miles to see me? Someone who loved me and cared, right?
Little did I know I was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wrong. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How could I have been so blind? They say love is blind, but
I feel like an idiot for falling for this guy’s lines and actions. How can
someone so blatantly treat someone this bad? How could someone take advantage
of someone and their feelings the way he did? I know how. The only way someone,
a human, can do this to another person is just plain hate and cruelty. It is
premeditated hurt. This type of person singles out someone that they feel will
fall for their lies. Then they reel them in for the “kill.” I am having a hard
time understanding what kind of sick pleasure one would derive from this
behavior. I don’t understand how a person can look at another person in the
eyes and say “I love you” and KNOW that they are not being honest. That is just
plain cruel. How can he watch me fall so in love and be laughing inside knowing
what he has planned? </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">In early July while driving with my kids, my phone buzzed
with a text message. When the opportunity came to view it, I was pretty shocked
at who it was. It was the man that broke my heart. I was not sure if I wanted
to answer, so I put the phone down. I thought about what I would say in my
reply. Would I be mean? Would I just keep my text messages back to him short
and simple? Or do I just ignore him? Remembering the way he treated me my first
instinct was to ignore him. After I thought about that option, I came to
realize that if I ignored his text I would be stooping to his level and I am
better than that. So we chatted. I kept my answers short and simple keeping my
heart out of the conversation. He proceeded to tell me how wrong he was about
me/us and he asked if I would give him another chance. I was hesitant at first
but then agreed. I figured “what did I have to lose?” I told him I would be a “hard
sell” that what he did to be destroyed any faith I had in men and love. He said
he wanted a chance to restore my faith in men and love. Again, I agreed. We made
plans for him to come to town and I agreed to let him stay with me. Instead of
the usual three day visit, he stayed for six days. I knew this visit of his
would make or break us. This was the ultimate test to see if we were still compatible
and if I still had feelings for him. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The moment I picked him up from the airport and he got in
the car, I knew it was all wrong. I thought maybe my resentment towards him was
rearing its ugly head and decided to push those feelings away and give it a
shot. I wanted to go in this with an open mind but a closed heart. There was absolutely
no way I was going to allow him in my heart again. The drive home was quiet and
uncomfortable. I felt that I was in charge of the conversations and this
continued the whole time he was here. If I did not talk, there usually wasn’t much
of a conversation. It became exhausting. What was even more unnerving was the
fact that he was not too interested in doing anything else but hang out with me
and the kids in the house. By the third day, I felt like an old married couple.
Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out at home with the kids and it is even nicer
when you are with someone you love, but when you are in the beginning stages of
a relationship and are trying to get to know each other, you do things together
that are fun and interesting to get to know one another better. You share
interests. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With him, it seemed like we
skipped all the romance and dating and got right down to the “old married
couple.” </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The drive to the airport on the last day was just as
uneventful if not more uncomfortable that the first day when I picked him up. He
mentioned coming back in a few weeks and we both agreed that we would discuss
this in further detail later. We said our good-byes and off I was. Not ten
minutes later I received a text from him. He thanked me, said he could not wait
to see me again, and said he loved me. I replied with a simple “You’re welcome.”
</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After further thought about the past few days, I decided
that I was not interested in him or the life that he could offer me/us. The time
spent with him was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing my future with
him. That was not how I wanted my life to be. So, back to single life for me…..
until next time! </span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-82785928260071742362013-01-01T16:27:00.002-06:002013-08-22T15:36:51.507-05:00The Missing Piece<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span> </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bGZl3Mfbfmg/UONijv2_fdI/AAAAAAAAAN8/qsEjrJMgprU/s1600/Missing_Puzzle_Piece.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bGZl3Mfbfmg/UONijv2_fdI/AAAAAAAAAN8/qsEjrJMgprU/s320/Missing_Puzzle_Piece.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> For the longest time I felt as though something was missing
in my life. I struggled for many years to find out what it was. I had many
missing things in my life, but there was one thing missing that would make me
complete. I have always had issues fitting in. I always felt like I did not
belong. This was a feeling I had early in life; back in High School. I did
crazy things to fit in. Things I would not normally do and not in my character.
I did these things to fit in, to feel wanted and liked. I guess you can say I
had low self-esteem and somewhat do today as well. I carried these issues into
my 20’s and married. I married because I thought I would never be able to find
anyone else and did not want to be alone. Slowly I realized this and took
action and filed for divorce. I thought the missing piece was a man that loved
me. So since my divorce, I have been trying to find that man. I think I
realized that finding a man was NOT the missing piece. The men never satisfied
that empty space I lacked. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding
MYSELF was the missing piece. I lost myself years ago when I allowed myself to
abandon my own self and conform to what others wanted and what others needed.
Along the way, I buried my real self deep down somewhere in a place that is so
deep I am finding it impossible to recover. I had my kids and my friends to
fill that void and keep me busy. I worked full time and managed a house and my
kids. Being this busy would not allow me to think about myself and what I
needed. Sure, I would go out with friends and family, but it seemed like I was
just going through the motions. Almost like a robot, not really living my life
or enjoying it. </span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> With the arrival of the New Year, I have had time to reflect
not only the past year, but others as well. I have thought about what I have
and what I don’t have, and where I can improve my life. I don’t have a lot as
far as material things which is fine with me. I am not into material things. I
have been without them all my life and I have no interest in having them. I am
a pretty simple girl. I want family, a home, warmth, and most of all; to love
and be loved. I have a good job that pays better than others, three healthy
children, and a roof over my head, and I am able to afford a few luxuries. With
all of this I am richer than others. This brings me to the missing piece. I
think I have finally found it. Since I am unable to help others with money, I
have decided to help others with my time. After a bit of research I have
decided to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. I feel that the satisfaction of
volunteering may be the missing piece I have been looking for quite some time—to
help others UNCONDITIONALLY. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just the
action of researching this and thinking about helping in this way has brought
some sense of calm to my crazy world. </span></div>
</div>
Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-88519899871698600872012-11-06T17:38:00.001-06:002012-11-06T17:41:14.826-06:00'Tis The Season<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7sN4QfqaKi4/UJmfPrMvsYI/AAAAAAAAANo/nG0iIGTektc/s1600/TisTheSeasonLogo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7sN4QfqaKi4/UJmfPrMvsYI/AAAAAAAAANo/nG0iIGTektc/s320/TisTheSeasonLogo.jpg" width="286" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The Holiday’s are fast approaching. It seems like they
arrive a lot sooner than they did when I was younger. Long gone are the days of
counting down until Christmas morning when you awake to find gifts from “Santa”
under the tree. Long gone are the days of innocence and childhood bliss. For
most adults Holiday’s bring stress. </div>
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As we all enter this Holiday Season, let’s take time to
think about others. I am not referring to what to get them for that “perfect
gift.” I mean the others that are struggling and suffering this year. People
and families in need are hard to identify. They may have a lot, things they
acquired when they were working, so you may look at them and think they are
well off, doing fine, and happy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
they lost a job, or lost a loved one that was the sole provider for their
family. Maybe one of their children is very sick and they are buried under a
ton of medical bills. </div>
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Some people are more proud these days and hide their issues;
they don’t talk about them for fear of ridicule or embarrassment. They won’t
ask for help. They hide behind their laughs, smiles, and then cry in private, wondering
what to do. </div>
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All I ask this time of year from all of you is to be more
aware of the people around you. Don’t be so judgmental of others and caught up
in yourself and YOUR life and make a difference in someone else’s life. You can’t
judge a book by its cover. So when you see that lady in the grocery store with
the big diamond ring, and nice clothes, don’t assume she is happy, rich, loving
life and not suffering. She may have lost her husband not too long ago and is lonely,
depressed, sad, and wondering where her next gallon of milk is going to come
from because she has not worked in years. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Remember, someone always has it worse than you. I have to
remind myself of that every day. Thank God you have what you have. Whether it is
your job, your home, or your kids. It could be worse. And don’t do this just
around the Holiday’s, do it all year round. </div>
</div>
Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-48744794147784032332012-08-18T11:47:00.000-05:002012-08-18T11:47:55.092-05:00End of Summer<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/fall scenes/dmbarry777/Scenes Such/dc83.jpg?o=10" target="_blank"><img src="http://i193.photobucket.com/albums/z66/dmbarry777/Scenes%20%20Such/dc83.jpg" border="0"></a><br />
<br />
I am finding it hard to believe that summer is almost over. School has started and the hot weather we had all summer long has finally broken. The end of summer and the arrival of fall always give me a sense of warmth and content. I am looking forward to the crisp air of fall, the falling leaves, and the smell that is associated with it. A warm sweater and my favorite pair of boots are always comforting, as well as a warm cup of tea out on the porch with my favorite book. <br />
Fall welcomes the arrival of Halloween, pumpkin farms, and long drives to see the beautiful vivid colors. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing the changes nature brings. <br />
Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-80421626755663677162012-01-02T18:56:00.000-06:002012-01-02T18:56:15.961-06:00My Future, My Vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nk1Xt8wiL7w/TwJRuWq5FjI/AAAAAAAAAJo/E5dg_SwCDJg/s1600/freestonemain4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="127" width="200" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nk1Xt8wiL7w/TwJRuWq5FjI/AAAAAAAAAJo/E5dg_SwCDJg/s200/freestonemain4.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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I have decided what I am going to work towards in the near future. This is how I want to live my life. I have envisioned it for years. I dream about it so often it seems so real, almost scary. Sometimes it feels like a “calling”, pulling me closer and closer. I see the pictures so clearly when I am awake, almost like I’ve lived that life before, and am being called back. Here is a bit of what is in my head. <br />
<br />
<br />
The home was the first part of my visions. I have had the vision of this home for a few years now. It is a small farm home. Light blue in color, white picket fence surrounding the yard. When you pull up in the driveway, the first things you see are the beautiful weeping willow trees. The driveway curves a bit to lead you to the front entrance. The wrap-around porch is warm and welcoming with a large swing that dangles from above. Beside the swing is a small wooden table. On that table is the book I am currently reading and a tall glass of lemonade. It is fall so there are leaves everywhere. I don’t dare rake them up as that would just disturb the nature of things. The homemade birdhouse is busy as ever with many different kinds of birds eating their meals. If I look to the left, my dog, a Cocker Spaniel, is running around lose. No leash is needed here. There are no neighbors for miles and the streets are rarely traveled. Once you travel up the few wide steps to the door, you will notice the door is yellow. Yellow is peaceful and welcoming, and everyone who walks through my front door should have a sense of peace when they enter. It is a happy home full of warmth, love, and acceptance. <br />
<br />
The yellow door opens to a small foyer. It is a rich mahogany hardwood floor. As soon as you enter you smell the aroma of baked goods. The foyer has a small mirror on the wall upon entering. To your left is a bench with storage below for your shoes. A long pole extends from the bench to hang your coats. To the side of the bench is a compartment for your umbrellas. It rains a lot here. <br />
<br />
To the right is the living room. With the walls painted a dusty blue, the denim covered overstuffed couch and loveseat look inviting. The fireplace is going and keeping the room cozy. It is not cold outside, but the temperature has dropped in the last month and an old farmhouse can get pretty drafty. If you look around there is no television. Only a book-shelved wall stuffed with books I have collected through the years. Snuggled next to the wall of books is a yellow striped easy chair used for reading. A nice kerosene lamp lights the room on a dark night. On the coffee table in front of the couch you will see my home-made scrapbooks of my family. This room has the same rich mahogany flooring as in the foyer. A large area rug keeps your toes warm when walking on the floor. If you look straight ahead while sitting on the couch, you will see the kitchen. The floor plan is open and inviting. Gatherings here are nice. <br />
<br />
The beautiful mahogany flooring continues to the kitchen area where a huge country style table awaits. There is enough seating for twelve although twelve rarely sit at one time. These extra seats are for when the kids and grand kids come over. Most days you can see an almost done puzzle on this table. I can usually be found in here baking something. I have found a new passion for baking. The locals love my baking so much I take some to the local bakery and make a bit of money. I usually bake muffins. I love a good banana bread, and sugar cookies are my favorite. <br />
<br />
The kitchen is always sunny and bright. With the big windows on every wall, the sun pours through in the morning and continues to light the kitchen throughout the day because the house faces the North. The windows are adorned with checker print curtains. They are brick red in color just as the large circular rope rug that is beneath my feet. The whole kitchen bears that brick red color. If you look on the walls, they are decorated with old fashioned kitchen art. On one wall is a picture framed with wrought iron. In the center of the picture is a coffee cup and a small sign that says 25c a cup. On the other wall is a giant chalk board that has my to do list on it along with other things like silly pictures my grand kids drew that I don’t have the heart to erase. I don’t have much on the counter tops because I like to keep the smaller appliances tucked away in a cabinet. There are a few kick-knacks on the counters. The fridge is full of magnets and art work from the grand kids. <br />
<br />
When you look out the kitchen window you will see a vast backyard. There are many lilac trees and when they are in bloom, I have no need for my lilac candle, as the scent from them is so overpowering the aroma just fills my home. The summer time is when I am out here the most. I do my writing out here. The sounds and smells of nature keep my senses keen while I write my next novel. I sit in my lounge chair mostly when I write, and it is next to the garden with the waterfall. The peace and tranquility I get from being out here is just what I need to get those creative juices flowing. <br />
<br />
That is what I have so far in my vision, my dreams. I see no reason why I cannot achieve those dreams. With a bit of hard work and determination, this will happen. <br />
<br />
Illinois holds nothing for me. Besides my Mom, sister, and a few close friends, there is nothing here for me. Dylan, my youngest, will come with me. I have two older children as well. They are more than welcome to come with me on my journey to the unknown! It is time to move on and experience new places, new faces, and new adventures.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-60256724948584605582012-01-02T10:29:00.000-06:002012-01-02T10:29:04.912-06:00Happy New Year! A Reflection on 2011<a href="http://s778.photobucket.com/albums/yy65/amyjayne10/New%20Years%20Eve/?action=view&current=282giyw1.gif" target="_blank"><img src="http://i778.photobucket.com/albums/yy65/amyjayne10/New%20Years%20Eve/282giyw1.gif" border="0" alt="New Years Eve"></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Well, another year has come and gone. A lot of us at this time feel that the last 12 months of our lives were not as good as it should have been. That is why a lot of people make New Year’s Resolutions. I personally do not like to make them. I try to resolve every day of the year to make things better for my family and me. <br />
<br />
I took the time to reflect a bit today on 2011. I have come to the conclusion that I had a pretty damn good year. Early in the year I lost my job. For a while it seemed that things were going on a downward spiral and I felt that I was losing control of my life. I have three kids to support and I had to be strong. What I really wanted to do was curl in a ball and cry my eyes out. I was looking for someone to blame. After I realized that doing those things would not change my situation, I dried my eyes and began the journey to where I am today. I had to stay strong for my kids. I had to show them that when life gets you down you don’t just give up; you pick yourself right back up and carry on. Hopefully you learn from your experiences and grow, not give up.<br />
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I was looking for work and unemployed for several months. I was scared. I had rent, car payments, bills, and groceries to buy. Very few helped me even though many were aware of my situation. I am not bitter towards these people, I just know who my friends are. I am very careful with whom I help and whom I trust. It is a very small circle. In fact, I don’t think the people I trust could form a circle. That is how few there are. Funny thing though, I would help anyone in a heartbeat. And in fact I have. I don’t expect anything in return, but there is a fine line between accepting help and using someone, and I have learned the hard way. I wont stop being giving or caring, I will just be very careful as to who is the recipients are. <br />
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I finally found a job. It is a very good paying job with a good stable company. The distance is an issue, but I have learned to get used to it. Some days are better than others, but that is with anything. I work with many nice people and the benefits are excellent as well. I plan to stay there until I retire. <br />
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I am still single, but I am learning that it is okay to be single. I don’t need someone in my life to make it complete. Sure, it is nice to have someone that you can rely on and trust and someone to be there for you, I just have not found that someone yet. I will be patient and when this person enters my life, I will know. <br />
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I wish you all a Happy New Year. I wish you all find what you are looking for in life, heath, and the happiness you so deserve.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-55719419173147653142011-11-05T20:06:00.000-05:002011-11-05T20:06:23.176-05:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/dating%20sites/sofianiven/dating.gif?o=6" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://i972.photobucket.com/albums/ae202/sofianiven/dating.gif" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
In my last post I said that Internet dating seemed desperate. Although I still feel that statement is somewhat true, I have decided to do a bit of research on Internet dating and why it is not such a good idea. I have reactivated my account on one site. I would like to show my readers what one has to endure and deal with while having a profile. <br />
<br />
Let’s start with building your personal profile. Dating sites have simple suggestions on choosing your profile picture. A few of the suggestions are to pick a picture that shows you smiling and having fun. After all, you will get more responses if you look as though you are a fun person to be around. Nobody wants to date “Debbie Downer.” What some people, mostly men, fail to realize is that a picture of you half naked in the bathroom is not what women want to see. We just think you are a pompous ass and move on. Most of them have no business taking their shirt off in private, let alone for the world to see. And another thing, if you are going to post a picture of you, please look at the background. Make sure there is no dirty underwear laying on the floor or your house a pigsty. Total turn off. Guys, you are selling yourself here, make it look good. First impressions count. <br />
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Next is the description of yourself. PLEASE don’t lie. If we eventually meet you and you are nothing like you described, you have wasted my time as well as your own. And guys, if you suck at spelling use a dictionary. Spell check it in Microsoft Word. <br />
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Now this is the funny one. They ask you to describe the first date. Some of you say dinner. Most women will NOT go on a first/blind date to dinner. If after the first 10 minutes of your dinner date she decides that you are just an idiot, it makes if very hard for her to end the date quickly and politely. It will feel like she is locked in to the evening until dinner is over. A movie is another bad choice. How are you going to get to know each other if you have to be silent to watch the movie? <br />
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And please, don’t say you like long walks, and cuddling, and all that stuff. No you don’t. <br />
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Stay tuned! I will have some real emails that I have received from men. You are sure to get a good laugh. </div>Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-88273990088872157192011-10-31T14:15:00.000-05:002011-10-31T14:15:19.138-05:00Confusion<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/confusion/toontownjuggalo/confusion.gif?o=57" target="_blank"><img src="http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/cc253/toontownjuggalo/confusion.gif" border="0"></a><br />
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Seems as though the emotion for me for lately has been confusion. Someone once told me that I think too much. Is that possible? <br />
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If a situation arises, I usually try to dissect it, see if there is a way I can improve it. Make it better. Instead I should just go with the flow and let the chips fall where they may and learn from that situation whether it is a good outcome or bad. I am somewhat of a control freak, so I try to control every aspect of my life. I am afraid to fail so I try my best to prevent that. <br />
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I usually am a good judge of character, but lately I have really missed the mark. I tend to be big-hearted and generous with my feelings, and this time I think I have learned my lesson. I keep saying my “wall” will stay up. I am afraid to get hurt. I know this is not good, to keep this wall up, but I think it is permanently up for good. I let it down recently and it was just as I expected. I am hurt and disappointed. It very well may have been my fault. I guess I expected things I should not have expected. Silly me. <br />
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I try to be understanding, empathetic, and a good listener. But lately I have been feeling like I am not getting the respect or attention I deserve. I think it may be a timing issue. I am ready for all that life has to offer with someone, and that person just does not seem to exist. I guess I have to be patient. I have been patient for over two years now.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-64741438920282682292011-10-31T12:38:00.002-05:002011-10-31T12:38:33.308-05:00Dating<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/dating/forevernat12/dating.jpg?o=63" target="_blank"><img src="http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll219/forevernat12/dating.jpg" border="0"></a><br />
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Dating at this age is a real challenge. There are different obstacles that you come across. Nowadays, there is an ex involved. An ex spouse is usually more difficult than an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend. That may not be a pleasant obstacle to overcome. It all depends on how long the person has been divorced to know what kind of obstacles you will endure. If someone is recently divorced, those feelings one experiences during a divorce are still very fresh. There are still unresolved feelings and jealously may be a factor. They may also still have feelings for him or her as well. You really can’t compete with that. Going through a divorce makes you experience feelings you never knew you had. Rejection, sadness, hurt, and anger are only some of the feelings. If a person has been divorced for quite a while those feeling diminish. They don’t completely go away, they never do. They are just hidden in the background of life. <br />
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I think that kids are another obstacle to overcome. At this age when you are dating, more than likely the one you are dating will have kids as well as you. This is a tough thing to manage, especially if they are still young. You don’t want to bring someone into his or her life that your not sure is going to stay in it for a while. They just experienced loss and you don’t want them to get attached to your new “friend” if it is not going to work out. They don’t need to experience loss again so soon. They also need you at this time. They need to know that they are still loved and that you will be there for them no matter what. <br />
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Sometimes I wonder why that person got divorced. Was it something they did? Did they cheat? If they did, will they always be a cheater? Was he an abuser? There are so many different factors to take into consideration it is mind-boggling. I am sure they wonder the same thing of me. <br />
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This is so different than 25 years ago. It seems that the “rules” have changed but the “games” are still the same. In today’s world, there is Internet, text messages, and instant messaging. You can get to know someone so many different ways before you actually meet him or her. I myself don’t care for Internet dating. I have been on Plenty of Fish for a while and it feels as though I am “shopping” for a man. After being on there I have decided that Internet dating is just not for me. It seems kind of desperate if you ask me. I think in order to find someone that is right for you; you should not resort to Internet dating. It will happen on its own and happen naturally. When you find that “someone” you will know. I am confident that I will find my prince charming when I least expect it. So far I have not found him. I do realize that if I am going to date, I need to make sure that person has been divorced for quite some time. <br />
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Back when we were younger, dating was fun. There was meeting someone for the first time. The electric feeling you get when you get and give that first kiss. The queasy feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. The anticipation of seeing that person and knowing they are feeling the same. I am looking forward to that feeling again. It’s been a while since I felt that and it is such a good feeling.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-47193164190457345862011-01-14T15:03:00.000-06:002011-01-14T15:03:24.392-06:00Thank you so much!<a href="http://s893.photobucket.com/albums/ac137/lemontart247/?action=view&current=thank-you.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Thank you" border="0" src="http://i893.photobucket.com/albums/ac137/lemontart247/thank-you.jpg" /></a><br />
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I would like to extend a big huge thank you to someone that was a big part of my life. In fact, he was a part of my life for 17 years. I have compiled a list of things below to express my gratitude. <br />
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• Thank you for all the lies you told me. Because of that, I no longer trust anyone nor believe what anyone says. <br />
• Thank you for the clean house I had all these years. When I am upset, I clean. <br />
• Thank you for making me so beautiful. With the low self esteem you gave me all these years I was forced me to continually update my hair, makeup, and all the latest fashions just to get your approval which I never got. <br />
• Thank you for the construction experience as well. You have showed me how to put up and take down my “walls” for years. Most of the time now they are up. Please refer to reason number one why they are still up. <br />
• Thank you for all the medical bills I have. Without you in my life I would have never had the pleasure of an upper and lower GI. Stress and unhappiness can really take a toll on your body. <br />
• Thanks for all the drinking you did too! You have really showed me what an ass I could really look like in front of my kids. <br />
• Thanks for thinking I was hiding shit in my drawers. When you pulled out everything from them looking for “something” I may have been hiding, I have learned the patience needed to fold laundry.<br />
• Thank you for spending all our money on booze, drugs, and motel rooms. Your spending has taught me to be very frugal. <br />
• Thank you for being lazy and not doing anything around the house. Because of your laziness, I have learned how to use most any tool available to mankind. <br />
• Thank you for leaving me the shitty car. Upon doing so, I have met some really nice people at the car dealership when it was in for service, and I have become closer friends to people that stood out in the cold with me to jump it when it didn’t start. Hope they are lasting friendships. Also, by leaving me the shitty car, you proved once again that you always take the better car. Now I can trade this one in for a new car, AND YOU CAN’T TAKE THIS ONE AWAY FROM ME!!<br />
• Thank you for spending all our mortgage payment money each month on your booze, drugs, and hotel rooms. Because of that, our home almost went into foreclosure. And because you spent all that money, I was forced to short-sale it before it went into foreclosure and I was forced to move out into the most beautiful HOME I have ever lived in. <br />
• Thank you for spending all that money all those years on booze, drugs, and hotel rooms. When you did that, it left basically nothing left for extra things. I have learned to live within my means and only buy things that are needed. I also learned how to negotiate with bill collectors and utilities when bills are late. <br />
• Thank you for taking the new car when you drove off that day. That saved me $100 a month on a car payment. <br />
• Thank you for losing every job you had when we were together. It really made me buckle down and make sure I kept mine. I guess someone had to provide for the family. <br />
• Thank you for being an absent parent in mind, not body. I got to do all the enjoyable things for the kids. I got most of the kisses, hugs, and thank you’s from them. I also got the satisfaction of knowing I was doing a good job being a parent. It was exhausting and still is, but It is well worth it. <br />
• Thank you for making me realize there is no such thing as love. Only love exists with your children and immediate family. It is not possible for a man to love. I don’t think it is their genes. <br />
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I am sure the following companies and product would also like to thank you as well. Without your help, I would not have purchased any of these items as often as I did. <br />
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• Any brand of hair color available over the counter.<br />
• Any brand of make up.<br />
• Cigarettes<br />
• Pain reliever<br />
• Tums and Rolaids<br />
• Ace Hardware and Home Depot<br />
• Computer spy software<br />
• Every diet aid known in the world.<br />
• Sleeping pills<br />
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I am also sure there are companies that would NOT like to thank you. Because of you, I don’t go to these places and spend my money. And some of them I never will. <br />
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• Bars and lounges<br />
• Liquor stores<br />
• Hotels and Motels<br />
• Bridal stores. (Oh, I forgot, I never went to one EVER because there was no need to. You don’t really have bridesmaids at a court house). <br />
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Most of all, thank you so much for agreeing to the divorce. Because of the stress the divorce brought upon me, I have not looked or felt better in years. I have lost a ton of weight and have more self esteem that I have had in years. I have become a strong, frugal, and self-sufficient person because of you. Thank you my dear, without your help, I would not be what I am today.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-81260182952549455422011-01-06T15:07:00.000-06:002011-01-06T15:07:21.600-06:00New Year’s Resolutions<a href="http://s540.photobucket.com/albums/gg332/hal_shinta/?action=view&current=resolutions.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="resolution" border="0" src="http://i540.photobucket.com/albums/gg332/hal_shinta/resolutions.jpg" /></a><br />
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Making resolutions for the New Year to me is a cop out. Usually they get broken and we don’t feel guilty for doing so. Now, if we were to make a conscience effort to make a life style change throughout the year and we didn’t follow through, the guilt would be greater. It’s all in the way we perceive things I guess. I think many of us make these resolutions with the thought that if they are broken it is okay because resolutions are made to be broken. That is why I am not making one. <br />
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I have decided though to make some major changes in my life beginning this year. For one, I am going to be more patient. It seems that everyday I wake up, there is a new challenge heading straight ahead towards me. It is usually not a good challenge, usually one that requires me to take many aspirins once it is completed. I get about three of these challenges a day, sometimes more. Yeah, they make me a stronger person, but I am seriously getting tired of them. What I have been doing is sorting out and prioritizing these “challenges.” It is like the old saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” That is just what I am going to do. <br />
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I am not going to care if the following happen:<br />
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• There are dirty dishes in the sink<br />
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• There is dust on my T.V. (It’s a piece of shit anyway)<br />
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• Someone’s dirty laundry is all over the floor<br />
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• The carpet needs vacuuming<br />
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• Overdue bills<br />
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• The kids arguing about stupid shit as usual<br />
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What I AM going to care about is the following:<br />
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• There is a roof over me and my kids’ heads<br />
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• There is food in the fridge<br />
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• All my bills are paid, whether or not they are current does not matter anymore. <br />
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• I tuck my kids in at night<br />
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• I can feed my kids<br />
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• I am able to help them with their homework<br />
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• I listen to their day<br />
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• I listen to their fears, dreams, and anything else they want to tell me. And I will look at them when they talk<br />
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• I will actively listen to my kids and not think about anything else. <br />
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• I will love my children unconditionally, which I always have but now I am going to show it more often. <br />
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So, since I have been doing this, my house is a wreck, I learned more about my kids, and I feel a lot better physically and mentally.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-81507026757757505732010-12-30T14:27:00.000-06:002010-12-30T14:27:15.499-06:00Happy New Year and Happy Anniversary!<a href="http://s1189.photobucket.com/albums/z439/Darnita24/?action=view&current=Happy_New_Year.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" border="0" height="300" src="http://i1189.photobucket.com/albums/z439/Darnita24/Happy_New_Year.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
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I can’t believe it has been a year since I started my blog. For years I have maintained a journal of my feelings, thoughts, and events that went on in my life. I always felt a sense of relief after I expressed my feelings on “paper.” It helped me to move on during the difficult times in my life. Now, years later I am still finding the satisfaction that writing brings to me. Writing is much like a healing process for me. Once it is on paper the issues just don’t seem as bad as I thought they were.<br />
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At the time I created this blog, my kids were at their dad’s house in North Carolina for Christmas and New Years. It was my first Christmas without the kids, my first Christmas after the divorce, and my first Christmas I spent alone. I thought I would never get through those few weeks. I thought I had a friend to help me through this tough time, but I was a bad judge of character on this one, as usual. I started to pull out my journal to write and as I was writing I was on the Internet at the same time. I came across Google’s Blog site and decided to create my own. So, here I am a year later. I have made some good friends, some great connections, and most of all I am still sane. <br />
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Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!! May 2011 bring you happiness, good health, and everything you deserve! <br />
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Make sure you check back soon as I will be launching my new web site. I will be posting a link on here announcing the grand opening in early Spring.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-31576260751419626312010-12-17T15:53:00.000-06:002010-12-17T15:53:17.571-06:00Christmas Bonus<a href="http://s295.photobucket.com/albums/mm150/n2growth/?action=view&current=ChristmasBonus.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Christmas Bonus" border="0" src="http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm150/n2growth/ChristmasBonus.jpg" /></a><br />
Today was an interesting day. After spending a good chunk of my day trying to find a part-time job, I was informed that our Christmas bonus here at work is not even enough to buy groceries for my family. It reminds me of that Chevy Chase movie, Christmas Vacation. What a classic! Maybe I should do what his brother did to his boss. <br />
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I know what you’re thinking, “You should be lucky you are getting anything” and “You should be lucky you still have a job.” Well, let me tell you something. I think the companies are thinking we are thinking that way and that is why they think they can get away with giving such crappy bonuses. I think that is why Christmas bonuses are going to be smaller this year for a lot of us. Sure, some of us don’t get one, and I am sorry. But for those of us that do, it will be shrinking. A lot of us count on that, and I was one of them. I have learned that you cannot count on anything lately except yourself. <br />
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This announcement comes not long after they sent out a corporate email stating how their profits have gone up tremendously this year. Really? What a joke.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-8496823107734953462010-12-14T13:21:00.002-06:002010-12-14T13:24:15.896-06:00What do you mean I don’t qualify? <a href="http://s137.photobucket.com/albums/q236/babicmurder/?action=view&current=p.jpg" target="_blank"><img alt="Dem food stamps" border="0" src="http://i137.photobucket.com/albums/q236/babicmurder/p.jpg" /></a><br />
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If any of you know me by now I don’t like to take charity. I have mentioned that it must be the “control freak” in me. But there are times when I need a hand. Accepting help from the government as in food stamps, insurance, and any other perks does not seem like charity to me. After all, I have been a tax paying citizen since I was 16 years old. I am sure some of the taxes I have paid all those years go to Medicaid, Medicare, and the food stamps that some “unfortunate” people collect. <br />
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So, why don’t I qualify? Because according to their “income standards”, I make too much money. I make less than $100 dollars over their criteria. There is a chart they provide to see if your current income is low enough to get these benefits. This is the same chart that has not been changed or has been updated in many years I am sure. It has not changed with the current recession nor has it changed with just the cost of living. I am sure that my current income IS over the limit had I applied 10 years ago. Ten years ago my income would be excellent for a family of four. Now it is NOT. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for handouts, just a bit of help. <br />
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When I look at the forms to fill out there is one thing that stands out and makes me sick. It states in the “Frequently Asked Questions”:<br />
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• May I apply if someone in my household is not a U.S. Citizen?<br />
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The answer is as follows: “ Yes. You or your children(ren) do not have to be a U.S. Citizen to qualify for free or reduced-priced meals.” <br />
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Are you kidding me? I DON’T qualify for free OR reduced-priced meals because I MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY. I may be wrong, and please correct me if I am wrong, but if you are NOT a U.S. citizen, you DON’T pay taxes, right? So a hard working LEGAL single mom of three kids cannot get an ounce of help, but someone that has no business living here let alone working here can get all kinds of free shit?Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-21598883296058489682010-11-18T13:31:00.001-06:002010-11-18T13:36:23.618-06:00I am not alone<a href="http://s532.photobucket.com/albums/ee323/tsukukirai/?action=view¤t=food-drive.gif" target="_blank"><img alt="food drive" border="0" src="http://i532.photobucket.com/albums/ee323/tsukukirai/food-drive.gif" /></a><br />
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I have had this idea for a story for a bit in my head. To tell you the truth, I was struggling with feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. I went to a mobile food bank and accepted free food. I used to think this was only for the poor, homeless, or jobless. But now I see I am wrong. I am glad I went because I know I am not alone and I have nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. In fact, going has made me realize that I need to volunteer in the very near future to help others in need just like me. The volunteers that were there were amazing. They made you feel comfortable, probably knowing how you felt just being there. The kids that volunteered were amazing as well. They offered assistance in every possible way. <br />
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I have always been the type of person that needed to be in control. Ask my ex husband. I have also been the type of person that feels the need to take care of everyone and everything. I imagine that has a lot to do with wanting to be in control. Of course, it may also have to do with the fact that my mother pretty made me into a self-sufficient person since I was 13. <br />
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I have always had to rely on myself because when there were times I had to rely on others, they were unreliable. So I have learned the lesson, “If you want something done right, do it yourself.” And I have been living by that lesson for many, many years.<br />
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This could be a good thing or bad thing. Since I have come to rely on no one but myself, I have become a very strong woman. I know what I want, and I know what I don’t want. I am able to face almost any challenge in life that is thrown at me with patience and dignity. I will not back down to a challenge. In fact, I welcome a challenge. It gets my blood going. <br />
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That was the good thing. <br />
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Another reason I don’t like to accept help from people is that I think they expect something back in return. I feel that the only reason some people help is because they think they will get something out of it. I could be wrong. But I don’t want to find out. <br />
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The bad thing is that I won’t let someone do something for me. I don’t like help around the house because my standards are a bit high in that area. That is something I am working on. When someone offers me help I usually do not accept it because I see it as a sign of failure, a personal failure. <br />
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I also tend to push people away. I don’t trust too many people and that stems from being hurt by others and lied to. I used to trust someone full-heartedly until they did something to break that trust, now it is the other way around. I just cannot afford to get hurt anymore. The last few years of my life have taught me to take care of myself and my family and to trust no one. I am not sure if this is the right thing to do, but it is right for me right now. And I am not embarassed, ashamed, or feel guilty about going to a food bank. I will go again. I have to feed my family. And when this hard time of mine is over and done with, I will give back to the community that gave so much to me in a time of need.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-51270515264205553212010-11-09T13:54:00.001-06:002010-11-18T13:40:00.011-06:00Job Applications<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/job%20application/WideOpenSpacesRPG/Application.jpg?o=3" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e370/WideOpenSpacesRPG/Application.jpg" /></a><br />
I’m not sure if any of you recently had to find a job lately. I find that it is a real pain in the ass lately. I remember when I was younger all you had to do was go to the company you wanted to apply at and request an application. You sat there and filled it out or you took it home filled it out and brought it back. If you were lucky you were able to see a supervisor or someone from Human Resources at the time you handed it in. Otherwise, they gave you that canned line “They will review your application. If they are interested, they will give you a call.” I was ok with that. I would always follow up in a few days to check the status of my application. <br />
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Now it is more “convenient” to fill out an application online for most if not all companies. Sure, this is convenient for some. You can sit around in your jammies and fill out a ton of applications rather than traipsing around town to many places wasting your gas. <br />
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I myself find online applications to be a big time waster. To fill out a paper application probably takes about 20 minutes depending on how many pages there are. I have been trying to find a second job for about a month now. Out of all the places I have applied online, the fastest one I finished took me about 45 minutes. Finding a job is a part-time job and I don’t seem to have time to do this with a full-time job. <br />
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My favorite parts of the online applications are the “survey questionnaires.” Are they kidding me? They ask at least 50 questions about yourself and what you would do or not do in certain situations. Your answers are supposed to determine what kind of person you are, your personality. Most of these questions are repeats of the previous question three pages back, just worded differently. And it seems as though some of those questions are double negative questions. For example: “I almost never always get the job done neatly.” Really? Then they ask this about 15 questions later: “I always finish my work in a neat and timely manner.” I get a headache by the time I reach question 25. <br />
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I myself would rather meet the prospective employee in person to determine if they have the qualities I am looking for in an employee instead of some stupid ass questionnaire. Anyone can lie on that. Do they, the companies, actually believe that people are answering them honestly? Do they think that by asking the same question but wording it differently will throw off a liar? Sounds like a game to me. With so many people out or work and needing jobs, that is a very rotten game to be playing.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8943519018302217556.post-6418690634457641812010-11-02T14:40:00.000-05:002010-11-02T14:40:37.336-05:00Bill Collector<a href="http://media.photobucket.com/image/bill%20collector/thickbrix/debt-debt-collector-2.jpg?o=8" target="_blank"><img alt="Bill collector calling" border="0" src="http://i672.photobucket.com/albums/vv85/thickbrix/th_debt-debt-collector-2.jpg" /></a><br />
Ahh, we all love to pick up the phone when these people call. I myself look at the caller ID and decide whether I am in the mood or not. You see, I have them calling all the time. It seems that divorce has left me with some unpaid bills, and unforeseen medical procedures for my son have left me with a hefty bill. <br />
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I really can’t afford to pay them anything at this time. Putting food on my table for my family is my priority right now. I am sure they don’t understand that. If I have a bit to spare, I will talk to them and make arrangements. <br />
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I have decided that when I am all caught up with things and am able to pay them more, I am going to call them. I am going to call them at lunch time, since they call me at dinner time. I am going to call them every three hours to tell them I am going to make a payment. I will call them many times a day to tell them this. Heck, they call ME many times a day to see when I am going to pay; I figure I would give them the same respect they give me. I have also decided that I am going to tell them up front that this call may be recorded or monitored for training purposes. If they ask who I am training, I will say my dog. End of story.Beverlyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00631108821714663398noreply@blogger.com2