Memories

I'm moving the first weekend in June. I have a big job ahead of me before I can move and start fresh with my new life. Since this weekend is so crappy, as far as weather is concerned, I have decided to tackle the chore. First off, my basement looks like a tornado hit it. I have come across many things and that have slowed me down. I told myself beforehand that I was going to go through this stuff with a "blind-eye." I did not listen to myself. As I go through things deciding on what to pack and what to get rid of, it seems as though my "save" pile is bigger than my "get-rid-of" pile.

I am struggling with things that me and my ex-husband have accumulated over the past three years we have been here. There are a lot of things in this house that we brought along from our other homes as well. When he left, he was limited to what he could take because he was driving to his new home out of state. He took what he could fit in his trunk. Now I am left with the burden of cleaning out and packing this 2500 square foot home.

I am anxious to start my new life, but I am scared to leave behind what I know. We all wonder if we made the right choices. The thing is though we cannot allow ourselves to dwell on whether it was right or wrong, but to move ahead and face the "new."

Now, do I save these things or get rid of them? Do I save them, but pack them away forever? If I throw them out, will I regret it? Will I save them and look at them once in a while?


While you ponder your answers to these questions, please enjoy one of my all-time favorite songs. It always makes me cry.

Medical Insurance

Someone please tell me why I pay a premium each month for medical insurance when they refuse to pay for a procedure my son needs? They claim it is a pre-existing condition. He needs his ears drained, and his tonsils and adenoids taken out. Of course he has been treated before, that is how the doctors came to the conclusion he needs to have this surgery. My only option now is to pay for half of the surgery and make payment arrangements on the remaining balance. Is this a crock of shit or what?

In the meantime, my son has to suffer while I scrape up at least $400.00 for the surgery. And this is half of the amount that the doctor will charge. This does not include hospital charges that I assume are astronomical. Wish me luck!

Still Raining.........

I hear that God only gives you what you can handle. I mean as far as problems and issues that come up in your life. I am sure that he is not “giving” us problems and issues; I think that he is watching over us and limits our problems to some point. I have to believe in something at this point in my life. I have been presented with so many problems lately; God must think I am one strong cookie!

He has given me an issue I have to worry about. I have to take my son for surgery. Now, I learn yesterday that I have some heart issues. I will be going to get some tests tomorrow to find out the extent of the problems. Like I said, when it rains, it pours.


If all of this does not make me stronger, it sure is going to kill me.

When it rains it pours

I have been taking my son to the ENT for about a month now. He failed a hearing test at school, so they advised me to take him to his pediatrician. The doctor sent him to a specialist. After numerous tests, it was determined that his adenoids and tonsils were enlarged. It was also determined that he “flat lined” on the hearing test. There is a machine that's inserted into each ear to measure sound waves. A person that can hear well will show “wavy” line results. His were just a straight line. The nerve behind his ear was tested and that showed fine. His hearing loss was caused from all the water in his ears. I'm thankful that it was nothing serious. The doctor prescribed some antibiotic. When we visited the doctor last night, nothing changed. It had become worse.

The doctor decided he wants to drain his ears with tubes and remove the tonsils and adenoids. All at one time. He will be under anesthetic. I know this is a very common operation, but I am still very nervous. You hear all kinds of horror stories about common operations gone badly. He is a little boy. I am scared for my little boy. The surgery is scheduled for the end of this month. Say a little prayer for my “peanut.”

Empathy

    Empathy. Do you know what the means? I know a lot of people that have no clue what it means. For all you that are reading and do not know, here is the definition:

"Empathy, which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings"

    I am sure we all know someone like that. Hell, I am sure we know many people like that. I think that it is pretty sad when a person in incapable of showing empathy. I have been going through a lot of hard times the last year, almost two. I was separated from my husband and living with him at the same time. The divorce was final June 6th of 2009. He moved out in July. I have empathy for my children and for my ex husband as well. He accepted a job in North Carolina so I knew how difficult it was for him to leave his kids. That is empathy. My dad died in August of that same year. He had a stroke that pretty much came out of nowhere. Since my divorce, I have not been able to keep up with my mortgage, so I tried to modify my loan with my mortgage holder. They denied me. Now my house is for sale and I got an offer on it---- for almost 100 grand less than what I owe. Hopefully the bank will waive the difference. Now, all I ask is some empathy from people that are close to me. People that claim they care about me. No one. Not one soul. I do not expect to be felt sorry for. I am one strong woman! When you empathize with someone, you are not feeling sorry for them. You are just being there for them when they need you the most. I wish I had someone like that. Some people just do not get it. What is funny, is those same people that do not empathize with you, expect YOU to empathize with them. Silly me, I forgot, their problems are so much more important than mine.

Getting Old

    Ok, so I really did not get these two mixed up, but I sure am getting a lot of other things confused. I guess it comes with age. I do not consider myself old at all. Age is just a number, right? Well, if that is true, then I want another number. I would not want to be a kid again. I think being a kid these days is stressful. I mean, how would I ever decide which video game to play? Really though, when I think back in the days when I was growing up, I would not want to have to go through some of the things I went through again. I guess I am who I am because of the things I experienced. What kind of person would I be if I did things differently? Would I be a better person or a worse person?

    I remember thinking when I was a teenager that my parents were so old. I am that age now. I often wonder if my kids and their friends think the same way I did. Little brats. I am not afraid of getting old, I think I look pretty good for my age. Like they say, we all want to grow old gracefully.

Dr. Suess for us older "kids"

    Someone sent this to me and I just had to share it with all of you! Enjoy!