Well, another chapter of my life has started and ended. I have to say that this chapter, that has now ended, was a wonderful and happy chapter in my life. One that I don't regret, and one that I would do over in a minute. I learned a lot about myself and relationships from this chapter. I have learned how to really care about another person in a way that is indescribable. I also learned that it is a good idea to start any type of relationship as friends. I will explain.
When I met this person, I was in need of help. Not just physical help, but emotional help as well. I am not one to ask for help, and when help is offered, I often refuse. I refuse because to me, help is just a way of admitting your faults. A weakness. I was always a control freak, so to speak. I had to have things done my way, or no way. This person taught me that that is not always the case. Everyone needs help at some time in their lives, and he came at just the right moment.
He had seen me at my worst. Funny thing, he still came around. He liked ME, not me all dressed up with makeup on. He listened to me like no one has ever listened to me before. He remembered things I had said, even when I did not remember saying them. He wanted to be around me because I was me. That made me feel special. All my life men have come and gone in my life, and it seems that 90% of them were interested only in sex. None of them cared one way or another if I had a bad day, or anything for that matter. This one did. He made me laugh, think, and most of all, made me very happy. I could be myself around him. I did not have to worry if what came out of my mouth sounded stupid or silly. I did not have to try and impress him, because I DID impress him with just being myself.
I did not expect things to progress the way that they did. In fact, I tried to look crappy every time I saw him because I did not want him to get the wrong idea, that I was interested. The more time I spent with him, the more I enjoyed his company, and started to have feelings. This was bad. The timing was all wrong. He had someone else. I could never fully have him. I was fully aware that there was someone else in his life, but for some reason I blocked that out. I thought that maybe, just maybe, things would change for him and we could be together.
So, instead of enjoying his company and being selfish, I have decided to end it now before it became worse. I am hurt and I feel that I have lost a very important person in my life. A great friend. I hope one day we can get past this and be friends again.
So, now here I am, back to square one. I think I will take a break from the dating world for a bit. Someone once told me "Your Prince Charming is out there, he just has not found you yet."
I will miss you a lot. Thanks for being there when I really needed you the most.
