The Long Distance Relationship

I never gave LDR’s much thought until recently. Someone from my past contacted me on Face Book and mentioned how he would date me in a second if he lived here in Illinois. After a string of horrible dates I was flattered. After chatting for a few weeks he agreed to fly into Illinois to see me. I was skeptical and all, I mean, a LDR? How could this possibly work? He assured me that if things clicked between us, we would find a way to see each other and make it work. I believed him. So he came every other weekend for a few months. The anticipation of him coming would drive me crazy. I could not wait to see this man. The days that followed his leaving left me lonely and sad. The few months that we shared together were a pool of many emotions. I tried to keep busy with work, the kids, and everyday activities to keep my mind off him until his next visit. It was difficult. Text messages, phone call, and the occasional Skype is what kept me going. What also kept me going was the fact that he said he loved me. I thought for sure this one was the “one.” I mean really, who would fly hundreds of miles to see me? Someone who loved me and cared, right? Little did I know I was  wrong.

How could I have been so blind? They say love is blind, but I feel like an idiot for falling for this guy’s lines and actions. How can someone so blatantly treat someone this bad? How could someone take advantage of someone and their feelings the way he did? I know how. The only way someone, a human, can do this to another person is just plain hate and cruelty. It is premeditated hurt. This type of person singles out someone that they feel will fall for their lies. Then they reel them in for the “kill.” I am having a hard time understanding what kind of sick pleasure one would derive from this behavior. I don’t understand how a person can look at another person in the eyes and say “I love you” and KNOW that they are not being honest. That is just plain cruel. How can he watch me fall so in love and be laughing inside knowing what he has planned?

In early July while driving with my kids, my phone buzzed with a text message. When the opportunity came to view it, I was pretty shocked at who it was. It was the man that broke my heart. I was not sure if I wanted to answer, so I put the phone down. I thought about what I would say in my reply. Would I be mean? Would I just keep my text messages back to him short and simple? Or do I just ignore him? Remembering the way he treated me my first instinct was to ignore him. After I thought about that option, I came to realize that if I ignored his text I would be stooping to his level and I am better than that. So we chatted. I kept my answers short and simple keeping my heart out of the conversation. He proceeded to tell me how wrong he was about me/us and he asked if I would give him another chance. I was hesitant at first but then agreed. I figured “what did I have to lose?” I told him I would be a “hard sell” that what he did to be destroyed any faith I had in men and love. He said he wanted a chance to restore my faith in men and love. Again, I agreed. We made plans for him to come to town and I agreed to let him stay with me. Instead of the usual three day visit, he stayed for six days. I knew this visit of his would make or break us. This was the ultimate test to see if we were still compatible and if I still had feelings for him.

The moment I picked him up from the airport and he got in the car, I knew it was all wrong. I thought maybe my resentment towards him was rearing its ugly head and decided to push those feelings away and give it a shot. I wanted to go in this with an open mind but a closed heart. There was absolutely no way I was going to allow him in my heart again. The drive home was quiet and uncomfortable. I felt that I was in charge of the conversations and this continued the whole time he was here. If I did not talk, there usually wasn’t much of a conversation. It became exhausting. What was even more unnerving was the fact that he was not too interested in doing anything else but hang out with me and the kids in the house. By the third day, I felt like an old married couple. Don’t get me wrong, I love hanging out at home with the kids and it is even nicer when you are with someone you love, but when you are in the beginning stages of a relationship and are trying to get to know each other, you do things together that are fun and interesting to get to know one another better. You share interests.  With him, it seemed like we skipped all the romance and dating and got right down to the “old married couple.”

The drive to the airport on the last day was just as uneventful if not more uncomfortable that the first day when I picked him up. He mentioned coming back in a few weeks and we both agreed that we would discuss this in further detail later. We said our good-byes and off I was. Not ten minutes later I received a text from him. He thanked me, said he could not wait to see me again, and said he loved me. I replied with a simple “You’re welcome.”

After further thought about the past few days, I decided that I was not interested in him or the life that he could offer me/us. The time spent with him was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing my future with him. That was not how I wanted my life to be. So, back to single life for me….. until next time!