The Holidays     

 

Ah, the holidays are upon us. It only seems like yesterday I was lying beside the pool watching my son swim. This is the time of year that I dread.  Only recently have I started feeling this way. I remember past holidays being a wonderful and fulfilling time with my family. As a kid, I looked forward to this time of year. I loved going shopping and trying to find that perfect gift for someone. Whether it was for my parents or sisters, I put in a lot of effort and thought into finding that perfect gift. There is nothing more pleasing than watching someone open a gift from you and it is something they really wanted.

When I was married and my children were younger, it was a stressful but great time of year. Between deciding whose house we were going to on which day, Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, and having enough money to spend on our kids and family. Things were always tight. But, we managed and did the best we could. Everyone seemed to be happy and not too concerned with what they received, they were just happy to be together as a family. I cherish those days. When I look back at that time, it brings a smile to my face a warms my heart.

Well, the last six years has been a lot different than when I was a kid or when I was married. There are no in-laws to go to and the kids have grown. Their interest in Christmas is not the same as it was when they were little. Gone are the toys and coloring books. Gone is the sparkle in their eyes when they see the tree all lit up with presents underneath on Christmas morning.  Gone is my whole family together on Christmas morning. Gone is my desire to enjoy the holiday season. As my family drifts apart and each one starts to have their own life, I find myself alone at times. Sometimes I cherish my alone time. But other times, I wish I had someone to share these holidays with. I know that someday there will be someone special in my life besides my kids, and I will just wait patiently for him to arrive…… maybe he will be under the Christmas tree one year.